


Merry Crisis!

by lamename



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Presents, Fluff, Gen, Not Beta Read, Pre-Movie(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-22 01:02:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13155846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lamename/pseuds/lamename
Summary: Brainbots take it upon themselves to cheer Megamind up.





	Merry Crisis!

**Author's Note:**

> Should you choose to open it, consider it my Christmas present to you, random member of the Megamind fandom! :D
> 
> I'm sorry this is a little late. I started it weeks ago buuuuut... anyway, I decided to post this today, lest I start polishing it and risk it not being ready by next Christmas. Minor edits may or may not come soonish.
> 
> Yes, the title is stolen from that vine. Also since I didn't have the time to flesh out my own bots, I may have used Spikeless from Set's 'Fools'.

Brainbots were decorating a Christmas tree. They had put together some scrap metal that could easily be knocked over in case Minion wouldn’t be able to keep Megamind away from their distant corner of the Evil Lair. Bots didn’t mind the metal, which was surely superior to the plastic trees decorating most homes in Metro City, but even they knew their tree lacked a certain spark. It was nothing some Christmas lights wouldn’t fix, but that would negate the stealthiness of decorating the tree in pitch black, the faint light from the bots’ domes excluded. Still, the bots made do, for they had excellent night vision, even if it made the color scheme a bit inaccurate.

Spikeless’ claws stuttered and a wrench struck the tree with a clang that echoed through the Lair.

Ignoring the reprimands other bots sent them, Spikeless zipped around as they shared the results of the algorithm they’d been running for weeks.

_“Daddy is unhappy because we have not participated in Christmas family traditions!”_

***

Brainbots knew how to spot criminals, and how to take care of one when spotted without Megamind’s supervision ( . . .  _armed criminal - transport to Evil Lair;_   _unlicensed unarmed criminal - return any appropriated property; licensed unarmed criminal – ignore or help escape from the police and/or Metro Man_  . . . ). To interpret each situation correctly, the bots had had to learn a lot about humans. Which meant they knew a lot about Christmas, having observed the holidays in Metro City.

They still didn’t know all the details of Christmas family traditions. But even though Megamind was their father, the likelihood of Daddy dressing up as Santa Claus was low, and if Daddy wasn’t getting his children anything, the bots had to awaken Daddy’s Christmas spirit with a gift of their own.

They knew they had to find the perfect present if they wanted to show their appreciation and beat Daddy’s holiday depression.

It was already the evening of the 24th.

***

Choosing the perfect gift for a family member stumped humans, let alone brainbots. Needing more data to crunch on, they scattered around the city to peek into the shops, focusing on the ‘Father’ section. Together they formed a list:

_Craft Beer Case_

_Socks_

_DVDs of various action films_

_Biographies of Metro Man_

_Leather belt_

The bots drooped their eye-stalks and bowged pitifully when they happened to run into each other. Only the leather belt might catch Megamind’s interest, but even if they found one fitting Megamind’s standards, they a) could hurt Minion’s feelings and b) they weren’t allowed to steal it ( _F_ _orbidden actions: . . . stealing, chewing on anyone or anyone’s property  . . . (unless overridden by Megamind or Minion_ )).

Luckily the bots were also smart enough to know it was the thought that counted.

***

It’s not easy to make a card for someone if you’re a robot and you haven’t done it before. Collaborating is even harder. Spikeless, jaws itching, voted for bite marks. Other bots had different ideas. In the end, everyone added their touch, resulting in a somewhat charred, mostly blue, glittery mess consisting of paper, metal, string, and fluorescent slime. Even if no-one thought the card perfect, it was a compromise they rated the best on average.

Really, acquiring the gift turned out to be much less complicated.

***

Megamind sat in his cushy chair, listlessly clicking away on his computer. Minion was just tempting him with a cup and a doughnut when the bots swarmed in.

“What’s the meaning of this?” Megamind asked when presented with the card, more alarmed than anything else. Eyes on that offering, he didn’t see the bots parting to reveal his gift.

Puzzling out the intent of the card, Megamind opened his mouth to thank and then chastise the bots, when a spot of red caught his attention. He joined Minion in staring and gaping.

Roxanne worked her mouth furiously and finally spat out the gag. “Megamind! If this is your idea of improving the kidnapping conditions then you’re doing very, very badly!” Hair and clothing in disarray, tied with a red ribbon complete with a bow, it looked like she would vibrate off the chair with her anger.

Megamind turned in his chair to double-check the date, ignoring Roxanne’s growl. Confirming it had just gone 25, he rounded on Minion.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Megamind hissed.

Minion aimed his gape towards Megamind. “Sir?”

“We don’t have any Evil Plans. Why would you bring me her _tonight_? I’m going to look like a fool,” he bemoaned.

“I didn’t do it! It’s the brainbots, sir.”

Megamind buried his face in his hands. “There’s nothing in their programming to encourage _that_!” He motioned towards the two swarms flanking Roxanne. They both turned to survey the scene again.

Roxanne snapped her teeth at Spikeless when they tried to silence her again, and Megamind was forced to call them back.

“Well? Where’s my usual welcome? But why am I asking, I can see you’ve decided to give up on politeness after you let your bots come after me just when I was leaving the office Christmas party to get some sleep.”

When there was no witty comeback, Roxanne frowned. “Don’t tell me your bots have gone rouge.”

“It looks like they have,” Minion replied helpfully, earning a scowl from Megamind.

It didn’t seem to appeal to Roxanne either, given her frown deepened. “And _why_ have they done it? If I’m supposed to be your Christmas present,” she sneered at Megamind, “then I’d like to remind you people aren’t _toys_ or _objects_ to be given away, even if they happen to be _women_.”

Minion waved his hands. “No, Miss Ritchi, that wasn’t what they were thinking! See, the brainbots noticed Sir had been unhappy and wanted to cheer him up. Kidnapping you seems to make Sir happy so they decided to help out. Isn’t that right?” he asked the bots, who bowged and bobbed their stalks.

“If you’re quite finished spilling our secrets,” Megamind scowled at Minion, “then I think we should cut Miss Ritchi loose and let her go. There’s no need to spoil her Christmas fun as well.” He barked at the bots to cut her loose but the brainbots knew the recipient had to be the one to open the gift and fled to the edges of the room, close enough to observe but far enough to be forgotten about.

Lips pursed, Megamind grabbed a pair of scissors and freed Roxanne without meeting her eye.

The ribbon fell away and Roxanne rubbed her wrists where it had dug in during the flight to the Lair. “What happened to your Christmas spirit, then?” she asked lightly. “Your plots have always been a bit lackluster around this time.”

“If you must know, it’s only the anniverSAry of the destruction of my planet,” Megamind bit out. “I’m sure if the brainbots understood the gravity of that, they’d know not to meddle.” He peered towards the edges and said in a low angry voice, “Daddy is going to have a talk with you soon, and see where you got your ideas from.”

“Hey, I’m sure they didn’t mean to upset you,” Roxanne said, standing. “I didn’t even mind too much, except for the part they trussed me up in that awful ribbon and carried me all the way here. Actually, you’re kind of my colleague too, so it’s only fair I got to wish you… offer you my condolences.” She gave Megamind a sad smile. “I didn’t know I’d be seeing you tonight so I don’t have a gift, unfortunately.”

Megamind blinked at her.

Minion perked up at that. “Miss Ritchi, I had almost forgotten my present to you! If you’d wait a moment, please.” He scuttled off towards his rooms, leaving Megamind to groan after him.

“This is hardly a proper office party,” Megamind said in a strained voice to fill the silence. “Sorry.”

“Oh, if you really wanted to, you could fix this place up much nicer than my office was done,” Roxanne said, smoothing down her green dress. “It looked just like last year and didn’t boost my spirits.”

The edges of the room got a little blurry. Megamind and Roxanne subconsciously stepped closer to each other as the bots started zipping through the air, ignoring Megamind’s calls to stop.

Just a handful seconds later, the lair was lit with colorful Christmas lights and there was tinsel everywhere, even draped over Megamind and Roxanne. A rock cover of a popular Christmas song caressed their ears and the metal tree now stood in the center of the Lair.

Minion chose that moment to return with his gift and drinks. “Oh, it’s wonderful that you’ve decided to celebrate, Sir!” Minion beamed at them. “Miss Ritchi, are you staying?”

Roxanne and Megamind exchanged a glance. “I suppose we shouldn’t let a party go to waste,” Roxanne said, smiling at him.

The bots whirred with satisfaction.

***

Megamind never did get around to ‘fixing’ their code.


End file.
